There was a time I dated someone who ticked every red flag box.
He owned a snake, which already felt like the universe issuing a polite warning. He believed hay fever was a government scam and quoted controversial “thinkers” like sacred scripture. Looking back, it all seems painfully obvious now. At the time though, I convinced myself I was simply being open-minded and accepting.
In all actuality, it was less enlightened tolerance and more exhausted loneliness mixed with questionable judgement.
Eventually, my friends staged a gentle intervention over brunch, as good friends tend to do when they fear you may end up living in a caravan discussing conspiracy theories beside a reptile tank.
We’ve all got stories like that.
The job we absolutely should not have accepted.
The ex we returned to despite every warning sign flashing like a nightclub fire alarm.
The late-night message we sent and immediately regretted before the typing dots even disappeared.
In a world obsessed with labelling every choice as either wise or disastrous, it becomes easy to believe our mistakes define us. Foolish. Naïve. Broken. Not “healed” enough.
But what if they don’t?
What if bad decisions are sometimes simply part of being human?
ADHD and the Weight of “Bad Decisions”
This conversation becomes even more complicated for people living with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
People with ADHD are often told throughout their lives that they make poor decisions. Impulsive spending. Risky relationships. Emotional reactions. Sudden career changes. Forgetfulness. Overcommitting. Underthinking. Society loves attaching moral judgement to these behaviours.
After hearing that message repeatedly, many people with ADHD begin to internalise it. They start believing they are reckless, irresponsible, careless, or somehow fundamentally flawed.
But here’s the important part people rarely discuss:
The perception is not always the truth.
Yes, ADHD can absolutely affect impulsivity, emotional regulation, dopamine-seeking behaviour, and decision-making. That is real. It is neurological, not imaginary. Many people with ADHD genuinely struggle with acting quickly before fully processing consequences.
However, not every unconventional choice is automatically a symptom.
Not every emotional decision is stupidity.
Not every impulsive moment is failure.
Sometimes a person with ADHD is simply doing what every human being does occasionally: trying to cope, survive, connect, escape pain, or feel something meaningful.
The problem is that once someone has been labelled “bad at decisions,” every future mistake gets placed under a microscope. A neurotypical person quits a draining job and they are called brave. Someone with ADHD does the same thing and suddenly they are “unstable.”
See the difference?
That constant judgement creates shame, and shame is exhausting to carry around.
We Learn in Hindsight, Not in the Group Chat
Society adores a neat redemption arc.
Make mistake.
Learn lesson.
Become improved human with matching beige kitchen aesthetic.
Real life rarely works that way.
Growth is messy. Delayed. Confusing. Sometimes humiliating.
People judge your decisions without ever knowing the full context behind them.
They were not there when you accepted the job because your rent terrified you.
They did not feel the loneliness behind replying to him at 2:04 a.m.
They were not inside your body when your nervous system was overloaded and the “wrong” decision felt like the only manageable one.
This is especially true for people with ADHD, who often spend years masking stress, anxiety, overwhelm, and emotional dysregulation behind humour or apparent chaos.
From the outside, a choice can look irrational.
From the inside, it may have felt like survival.
That distinction matters.
Every Bad Decision Comes With a Mirror
Here’s the interesting bit nobody really talks about:
Bad choices often reveal important truths.
Sometimes they expose unmet emotional needs.
Sometimes hidden insecurities.
Sometimes unresolved trauma.
Sometimes they simply reveal that you should never make life decisions while hungry and sleep deprived.
Either way, there is usually something valuable underneath the wreckage.
Many of my best decisions only happened because I previously made spectacularly terrible ones.
The healthier boundaries arrived after years of having none.
The calmer life appeared after periods of complete emotional chaos.
The self-awareness came after embarrassment, regret, and enough awkward memories to fuel several therapy sessions.
Even ADHD itself can complicate this learning process. Many people with ADHD develop what psychologists sometimes call “rejection sensitivity,” meaning mistakes can feel catastrophically personal rather than educational.
One failed decision becomes:
“I always ruin everything.”
One impulsive moment becomes:
“I can’t trust myself.”
That mindset is dangerous because it turns ordinary human mistakes into evidence of worthlessness.
And that simply is not true.
Shame Is Not the Teacher. Curiosity Is.
Most people respond to poor decisions with shame.
“What was I thinking?”
“How could I be so stupid?”
“How did I not see it?”
Those questions sound reflective, but they are usually self-punishment disguised as insight.
Curiosity asks different questions.
What did I need at the time that I could not express properly?
What was I afraid of losing?
Was I choosing from fear, loneliness, survival, excitement, or exhaustion?
Did my ADHD symptoms contribute to the situation, or am I unfairly blaming myself because I’ve been conditioned to?
That final question matters enormously.
Because while ADHD can influence behaviour, it does not erase personal growth, intelligence, empathy, or self-awareness. People with ADHD are not doomed to “bad decisions.” They are simply navigating life with a brain that processes reward, attention, and emotion differently.
That requires support and understanding, not moral condemnation.
Some Decisions Look Bad From the Outside but Set Us Free Inside
Leaving the marriage.
Quitting the prestigious job.
Setting boundaries with family.
Starting therapy.
Taking medication.
Finally resting instead of endlessly pushing through burnout.
From the outside, these decisions can appear reckless or selfish.
Inside though, they may feel like freedom.
This is another area where people with ADHD often face criticism. Choosing accommodations, changing careers, rejecting traditional lifestyles, or stepping away from toxic environments can look “irresponsible” to others.
But maybe the person is not falling apart.
Maybe they are finally listening to themselves for the first time.
Sometimes the choices that disappoint other people are the very choices that save us.
So What Actually Makes a Bad Choice?
Maybe a genuinely bad choice is not the mistake itself.
Maybe it becomes harmful when:
You refuse to learn from it.
You knowingly repeat destructive patterns forever.
You use the mistake as proof that you are undeserving of good things.
Everything else?
That is just part of being alive.
You cannot become wise without occasionally being foolish.
You cannot understand your limits without testing them.
And honestly, some lessons only arrive after the universe watches you ignore seventeen warning signs and says, “Fine then. Learn the hard way.”
Final Thought
The next time someone says, “Well, that was a terrible decision,” maybe pause before agreeing with them.
Maybe it was terrible.
Maybe it was necessary.
Maybe it was simply the only decision you could manage with the information, emotional state, or neurological wiring you had at the time.
That does not make you broken.
And for people living with ADHD especially, it is important to remember this:
Having ADHD does not automatically mean every difficult choice came from dysfunction.
Sometimes the world merely interprets difference as failure because it prefers predictability over complexity.
We are all learning as we go.
Messily. Imperfectly. Occasionally through absolute chaos.
And if you have one of those “what on earth was I thinking?” stories, I would genuinely love to hear it.
Because every person alive has at least one.
Usually several.
What is your perspective on “Bad Decisons”?
