Ever met someone and thought, “Oh, they’re definitely autistic”, only for their professional assessment to come back with a polite-but-firm “Nope”? It happens far more often than you’d think, and the reasons are fascinating, frustrating, and occasionally absurd. Let’s talk masking, ADHD imposters, and the curious world of the “almost-autistic”.
The Diagnostic Plot Twist
Autism assessments are built around strict tick-box criteria. If you don’t hit enough markers in enough areas, the magic stamp of diagnosis doesn’t happen. But that doesn’t mean your lived experience is invalid.
Why someone might “seem autistic” but test negative:
- Masking and camouflaging – Decades of subconscious acting lessons mean you’ve learned how to “pass” in neurotypical spaces, especially common among women and AFAB individuals. You might appear socially fluent, but the exhaustion afterwards tells another story.
- Old-school assessment tools – Some clinicians are still using outdated models that fail to capture the subtler, modern understanding of autism.
- Subthreshold traits – You can have many autistic features without crossing the official diagnostic line. Think of it as having all the ingredients of a cake but forgetting the baking powder.
Unusual fact: Some researchers believe up to 20% of the population carries autistic traits without meeting full criteria. They call this the Broader Autism Phenotype (BAP). Translation: your spidey senses might be right – just not diagnostically right.
The ADHD Chameleon Effect
Here’s where things get spicy. ADHD and autism are cousins on the neurodivergent family tree, and their traits can overlap so convincingly that even professionals can misread them.
Examples where ADHD can look like autism:
- Hyperfocus vs. Special Interests – Spending six hours researching obscure Victorian glassware? Autistic trait… or ADHD hyperfocus?
- Social quirks – You avoid eye contact in conversations. An autistic person might find it uncomfortable, while an ADHD brain is too busy being distracted by the pigeon outside.
- Sensory drama – Both can involve heightened sensitivities. That buzzing light in the office feels like a personal attack whether you’re ADHD, autistic, or both.
You couldn’t make it up: 30–80% of autistic people also have ADHD. The crossover is so huge it’s no wonder people confuse the two.
Spidey Senses: Why We Spot Each Other
If you’ve ever found yourself clocking someone else’s slightly unusual speech cadence, their hyperfixations, or their stims, congratulations: you might have a finely tuned neurodivergent radar.
But here’s the thing – our instincts aren’t foolproof. Someone could:
- Share the “neurodivergent vibe” but technically sit outside autism criteria
- Have overlapping conditions like OCD, social anxiety, or sensory processing disorder
- Present differently in testing situations due to nerves or masking
Your gut might be right about difference, but not always about the label.
When the Assessment Says “No” But Your Brain Says “Definitely”
If you’re convinced you’re autistic but the official paperwork disagrees, you’re not alone. Options to explore:
- Seek a second opinion – Especially from clinicians experienced in adult assessments.
- Get screened for ADHD – Many people who don’t meet autism criteria discover ADHD explains a lot.
- Explore the BAP – Some researchers see neurodivergence as a spectrum rather than rigid boxes. You might be part of a broader autistic profile without qualifying for a diagnosis.
- Self-identification – Labels can help access support, but understanding your brain matters more than the stamp.
Living in the Grey Zone
More and more people are landing in diagnostic limbo – not autistic enough for a formal label, not neurotypical enough to thrive without accommodations. The trick is to build your own toolbox:
- Use sensory-friendly hacks if you need them
- Lean into ADHD strategies if they resonate
- Connect with neurodivergent communities where self-identification is respected
Remember: diagnoses open doors, but they don’t define the worth of your experience.
Final Thoughts
Just because a professional says you’re “not autistic” doesn’t mean your struggles are imaginary, or that your spidey senses are broken. You might have ADHD, you might sit somewhere in the broader autism phenotype, or you might simply share traits without fitting any neat box. Neurodivergence doesn’t like tidy categories – and that’s half the problem. So if you find yourself wondering “Am I missing something?” – you’re not. The system is.
*This image is AI-generated with prompts made by me and serves no educational purpose, it is only used to highlight certain aspects of this article.
