There was a time I dated someone who ticked every red flag box:
He owned a snake (never a good start), believed hay fever was a government scam, and quoted controversial “thinkers” like they were gospel.
Looking back, it’s obvious. But at the time, I convinced myself I was just being open-minded. Spoiler: it was less ‘open-minded enlightenment’ and more ‘slightly tipsy poor judgement with a side of loneliness’. My friends eventually sat me down over brunch and staged a gentle but firm intervention, as good friends do.
We’ve all got a story like that, haven’t we?
That one job we should’ve never taken.
The ex we went back to (again).
The night we sent that message.
In a world that’s quick to slap a moral label on every choice we make, it’s easy to feel like these moments define us as foolish, naïve, or not quite “healed” enough.
But… what if they’re not signs of failure?
What if they’re just human?
We Learn in Hindsight — Not in the Group Chat
The trouble is, society loves a neat little arc. Fall… realise mistake.…. rise wiser. But growth rarely happens on schedule. And while people are quick to judge your decisions, they never have your context.
They weren’t in the room when you said yes to the job that drained you.
They didn’t feel the loneliness that made you reply to him at 2:04 a.m.
They weren’t inside your skin, heart thudding, choosing the wrong thing, but the only thing you felt you could manage.
So are these “bad” choices? Or just missteps that taught you where your real footing is?
Every Misjudgement Comes With a Mirror
Here’s the magic bit no one tells you:
A so-called bad choice always holds a mirror up.
Sometimes it shows you your unmet needs.
Sometimes your hidden wounds.
Sometimes just that you’re a bloody idiot when you haven’t eaten.
But the point is, you learn.
I made some of my best life decisions because I once made horrendous ones. The career change came after I crashed and burned. The emotional boundaries came after I had none. The peace I have now was earned in chaos I would never wish on anyone, but wouldn’t trade either.
Shame Is Not the Teacher, curiosity is..
We love to punish ourselves for our poor judgement.
“What was I thinking?”
“How could I be so ignorant?”
“How did I not see it coming?”
But those questions are laced with shame, not curiosity.
Try asking instead:
- What did I need at the time that I didn’t know how to ask for?
- What was I afraid of losing?
- What part of me was leading the decision — fear, love, ego, survival?
This is how we shift from self-blame to self-awareness.
That’s where the real growth lives — in understanding, not punishment.
Some Choices Look “Bad” From the Outside… But Set Us Free Inside
- Leaving the marriage.
- Quitting the high-paying job.
- Saying no to your family.
- Saying yes to therapy, medication, or even just rest.
From the outside, it looks like bad choices, you might look ungrateful, reckless, unstable.
But inside? You might finally feel like you’ve come home to yourself.
“Bad” choices often challenge the status quo, and that makes people uncomfortable. But maybe you weren’t breaking down… maybe you were breaking through.
So… What Actually Makes a Bad Choice?
Here’s a little twist, maybe a “bad choice” is only truly bad if:
- You refuse to learn from it.
- You keep repeating it knowingly.
- You use it as evidence that you’re unworthy of good things.
Everything else? Just another rung on the gloriously messy ladder of being alive.
You can’t become wise if you’re never foolish.
You can’t know your strength without testing your edges.
Final Thought
Next time someone says, “Well, that was a bad decision…”
Smile. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t.
Maybe it was just what you needed to get to here, wherever here is for you right now.
And if you have one of those “what was I thinking” stories, I’d love to hear it.
Because here’s the truth: we’ve all got them.
And we’re all just learning how to turn our chaos into clarity, one questionable choice at a time.
